Fen Druadìn's Blog
About That Abyss and The Walking Through Thereof

About That Abyss and The Walking Through Thereof

It’s been on my heart to post an update to my post about walking through the valley of the shadow of death.

The Abyss. The Void. Your Own Personal Hell. Whatever you call that screaming, snotting, sobbing, lonely part of the healing journey that nobody can do for you and that doesn’t actually feel like healing until it does.

I want to add that the rattle-shakers, the hand-wavers, the crystal-wielders, and the herb-users–the healers who cannot do the healing FOR you?

That don’t mean they ain’t worth having along on your journey.

The right healers can play a huge role in your healing. Some of them will soothe you just when you need soothing. But be careful not to seek the soothing at the expense of the deep, hard shit that has to be done.

You also need healers who will force you to look your shadow in the eye when all you want to do is crawl under the covers and comfort yourself with the litany of all the reasons that shadow isn’t actually yours, even though it fucking is.

You need healers who will be there even when you’re projecting all your shit onto them, to reflect it right back at you so you can do what you should have done with it to begin with and fucking put it down because nobody needs to carry that shit.

Maybe you need healers to shake rattles while you shake and shudder so those rattles can help you shake loose the shit you need to put down, the shit you didn’t even know you were carrying.

Some healers will hand you gifts of exactly the right words or exactly the right tool at exactly the right moment to point you at exactly the thing you need to do next, the step you need to take to keep moving THROUGH instead of out or away from your journey.

Some of them will hold your hand even though you can’t feel that they are holding your hand and when you get to the other side you’ll look back and sob with relief and joy at realizing that you were never alone, even when you felt alone.

Some of them will teach you the personal practices that will break you wide open and allow you to receive all of the healing that is yours.

A rare few of them will walk all the way with you, holding you steady, relentlessly demanding that you face your demons and own your demons and then let your demons go, demanding it even though you kick and scream all the way. They’ll show you where your blind spots are so you can look at the demons hiding there, too, even though it makes you mad, even though your fury and your anguish threaten to break everything… and then they’ll show up to congratulate you and hold you and love you on the other side, even though they’ve seen you at your absolute worst, even though you haven’t always been grateful. These healers will break you open again in the best way when they tell you that you’re worth it even though.

You can heal on your own, but it’s faster with help. We are all a little blind to our bullshit sometimes, and a little blind to our beauty, too.

And, hell, life isn’t made to be lived alone.

If you’re in the Void, do your work no matter how lonely it is. And, when you can, when you can when you can, reach out and find the healers who can help you in the ways you most need help.

And if you don’t know where to find them, reach out. I’ll point you at the two who have done all of the above and more for me.