I went to the mountains today, to close up my treehouse and bring home supplies that are more needed here at this time.
I arrived in grief. I knew that I would and I allowed it. I brought with me not only my own grief, but all the grief. I asked you yesterday what you were grieving, and I took all of that with me, in my heart. I took the grief of the world with me as well.
This was deliberate. This was done in knowing that the Earth, that the mountains, that the Rooted Ones and the Old Ones (the Stone People) have the capacity to absorb and transmute it. I took it to them with this intention.
And thus, upon my arrival, I allowed it to flow freely out.
And the Earth heard the cry.
She took it from me, absorbed it, transmuted it as she does.
She told me to come into her belly and hear her voice.
I followed her instruction, walking into the heart of the land, to a sacred circle I maintain there, and I sat on the earth to listen.
I received there a private message and blessing from the land, which is between me and the land, and it gave me immeasurable peace and comfort.
I received also there a gift, which perhaps I will write about another time.
From thence, I was directed to stand and walk. I was led to the place where lies the downed 1/3 of a tree, a discarded/lost part of the body of one of my dearest tree friends, a place of survival and thriving and even fun in the midst of immense loss.
I sat upon the downed trunk and the land began to speak to me, sharing messages for each of those who requested them.
"This, the current condition of the world, is natural law. Law in the highest, purest, clearest sense. Not moral law like you humans create for yourself, but a higher, truer law.
"It is quite simply what it is, nothing less and nothing more.
"It is what you are here for right now. You've been here before. You'll be here again. There is nothing new here or elsewhere.
"Nothing new, except each individual viewpoint.
"This incarnation, this spark that is you. This lens through which you view the universe.
"The way that you see and interpret and understand, the way that you experience. Like the individual trees in a forest: It's all one forest; there have been forests before and there will be forests again. The only thing that's new is the individual shape, the particular growth of a leaf, the timing and the order of the fall of pollen, the scars, the time of birth, the time of death.
"Be at peace.
"There is nothing to fear. The forest goes on. It's all recorded in the soil, it's recorded in the water. All of it.
"All of it.
"Nothing is lost.
"The earth remembers.
"The river flows on and on. Begins as a pure, clear spring. Picks up memories as it goes. As it passes by meadows and through woods, under bridges, through marshes. Collects the sediment of downed forests and stripped soil. The river flows on and on, and collects all the garbage, everything that happens to it is remembered and collected, it is held in the ocean. The ocean remembers.
"Everything goes to the ocean.
"And yes. Yes, you did this.
"You did this.
"The garbage, the carelessness, destruction. Violence. Greed.
"Sometimes, you're a turkey vulture soaring above the earth, circling, lifted, lifted by drafts, lifted by the heat of love emanating up from the earth.
"Sometimes, you're a corpse, with the turkey vulture's face buried in it.
"None of this is new, but you've forgotten. You forgot because you're small and busy. Creeping about like ants, mindless of what you do. More mindless even than the ants.
"And still: Peace. Peace! Peace!
"Natural law has no good or evil, moral or immoral. There's only the law.
"There's only remembering and forgetting.
"You think you matter. You're wrong. And also right.
"All of us, all of this, everything, it's pointed. It has a point. And that point is between your two eyes.
"You think your little ego concerns matter, you think what other people in your little ant life think of you matters. What matters is that you be here. BE HERE. Because everything in the universe, everything in the universe flows through you. And that point between your eyes, is the only thing you have. It's the only thing you have to offer.
"And it is both minuscule, and simultaneously, utterly crucial.
"By natural law, your only job is to pay attention. BE HERE."
The crows cawed again at this, as though to underline her point, and then she was silent and I returned to consciousness of myself.
By this time, I knew that I was to make large circle around the sacred circle where I had begun my conversation with the land. I arose and continued on my way.
I came to the place where my friend I Watch, a large beech tree, stands. I climbed the steep slope to sit beside her trunk.
I love her. I do not mean that I "love" her like you might "love" some inanimate object you happen to find pretty or useful. I mean that I love her. She is my beloved.
I sat in the little level area on the up-slope side of her trunk, facing her, and she began talking to me immediately.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you, too," I said, and stroked her beautiful gray skin.
"I have an addendum, to the message about how tiny you are."
The earlier message had come from the land as a whole, and Mama Earth Herself. This message was to be more personal, directly from I Watch.
"Okay," I said.
"You are tiny," she said. "We all are. Infinitesimal. So tiny as to be almost meaningless in this vast universe. But we are not meaningless. YOU are not meaningless, not to me. Because I love you.
"We make ourselves larger by the connections we make, the individual, personal connections of love. We make meaning by the loves we choose.
"I love you, and therefore, in my universe, you mean something, you matter. You love me, and therefore, in your universe, I matter. I mean something."
I Watch sits upon a slope overlooking Alder Creek. From where I sat, her broad trunk was immediately in front of me. To her left I could see part of the stream, running merrily over rocks, framed by a rhododendron.
I sat there and all the vestiges of fear I had ever felt drained away. I knew that as long as I was sitting there, looking at the water flow, feeling the love of my friend, that everything was okay. That even death was okay.
"Yes," she said. "Even death."
"What do you mean?"
"We all die. Our loved ones die. Everything ends. You will end. I will end. You first, probably. I have already seen so many friends end. I saw this land stripped of everyone and everything I loved. I survived, and so did my love. Their deaths did not end my love. I love you, even though I know that I will probably lose you and much sooner than if you were another tree.
"And yet that does not lessen my love for you. I love you perhaps more fiercely for knowing I will lose you. Nor will your death lessen my love. My love will go with you into the beyond."
I sat there with her, listening to Alder Creek, feeling utterly, completely at peace.
"I wish I could stay here," I said, knowing I would soon have to leave. Not knowing when I would see her again.
"You have work to do," she said.
"So go," she said. "It's okay to go. You take my love with you. It will always be yours, no matter what stands between us. I will always watch over you with it, and you may always return into it simply by remembering."
Love is sacred law. Love is the law that makes meaning out of our tiny little lives. It is what makes our tiny lives bigger. It makes them infinite and infinitely meaningful.
It also makes them immortal, for it is the one thing in the universe that can be created and enlarged but never destroyed.
It is sacred law that love never dies.
Remember that now, in this time. Be not afraid to love fiercely, completely, deeply, passionately. You have only exactly one moment, one singular self, one tiny, minuscule portion of the universe that is yours, but you can choose to make it matter.
Make it matter.
TAGS: Mother Earth
Fen Druadìn (they/them) is anamchara, storyteller, dragon, student of trees, and a breaker of generational curses.
Fen's mission here is to love and remember themself completely, connect deeply with the world, and help others do the same for themselves.
Fen connects deeply with the universe through their relationship with a sacred land in the Appalachians of North Carolina, and shares messages here and elsewhere. When not in the woods, they can be found on Facebook and Patreon.
If you feel led and are able, you can support Fen's work in any of these ways:
You can also contribute to the work of reconnecting with yourself and the world in any or all of these ways:
Stand in front of a mirror, look in your eyes, and say, "I love you." Repeat daily for as long as it takes
Send your love to the trees and stones and water and Earth
Spend time in quiet meditation with a plant or stone person, and listen for messages
Clean up litter in your neighborhood and/or engage in other acts of environmental restoration
Build a personal relationship with the plants and animals in your area by spending time with them and listening for their messages and responding to their needs
Reconnect with your own strength and power and truth via meditative practice such as yoga, guided meditation, chanting, drumming, dance, or any other tool that feels right and helps you ground and connect
Engage in this community and/or other communities committed to re-establishing our right relationship with ourselves and the earth
Wherever you are, on your journey and in your life, may you be well, may you be at peace, and may you always find the next good step.